


My Always and Forever

by waywardjoy (CNK80Q3demoneyes)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Can be read as reader insert - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 22:31:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9206942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CNK80Q3demoneyes/pseuds/waywardjoy
Summary: This was for a challenge on Tumblr, YouAU challenge.  To write yourself into a story with spn characters or rpf.  This can be read as a reader insert as it is in 1st POV.This is a story about my life and friendship with Jensen Ackles.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember that this is fiction. No harm was meant to anyone. This is just where my pen lead me.

Jensen Ackles is my best friend.

 

When I was born in Dallas, Texas on March 2, 1978, my crib mate had already been chosen for me. My mother and Donna Ackles were best friends and coincidentally, next door neighbors.

 

Being one day older, Jensen, “J”, had declared long ago that he was the boss. Our mothers always said the competition between us started the day I was born. He walked first. I spoke first, “J” being my first word. From there we tried to outdo each other in everything. Who could climb higher, run faster, be better. We pushed each other to be our best.

 

Jensen’s modeling career started when we were barely four years old. It started as kind of a fun goof for our moms. They thought it would be just a fun and silly thing to do, maybe make an extra couple of bucks. But our similar looks; light hair, green eyes, freckles, and nearly identical age got us booked in numerous photo shoots for “twin” print ads. 

 

A few years into it, right after Mackie was born, he confided in me while sitting in our treehouse. He was scared he didn’t know how to be a big brother to a little sister. I explained simply that he already was, and that he was the best. Our competitive streak died then. At the ripe old age of six, he decided to stop being my competition and started being my protector, just like with his real little sister.

 

As the years went, we were nearly inseparable. Where one was the other was likely to be found. We spent every possible minute playing in the Ackles’ pool, in our treehouse on the property border, or camped out in one of our rooms. Our mothers tired of calling out or full names soon merged us down to J&J when yelling for us to get out of a tree, or come to dinner. Before long, everyone was calling us simply JJ. 

 

Only our closest friends and family know that his daughter’s name is actually to pay tribute to us. Danneel’s idea. My honor.

 

When we were twelve my parents divorced. My dad left us to go with his secretary to God knows where, leaving my mom with nothing but the house, me, and a broken heart. I haven’t heard from him since. That summer changed everything.

 

I found solace from my mother’s downhill spiral into alcohol and a revolving door of strange men in our tree house. J would often find me there in tears. He started bringing his beloved gummies to share to cheer me up. 

 

One night, we were laying up there watching the stars. I was avoiding my mother and her newest “friend”. J asked if he could try something that he’d been real curious about. As soon as the word okay was out of my mouth he pressed his lips to mine in the sweetest kiss imaginable. It was my first, his too, and will forever be the best. That was the night he promised me that we would be together forever and always. 

 

We had stopped getting the “twins” modeling roles a few years prior and I had stopped all together after that. I continued to tease him relentlessly over some of the choices of jobs he’d accepted. But I knew it would be his ticket to Hollywood.

 

Time seemed to fly by and before we knew it we were in high school. Between modeling, sports, my after school job at the local paper, and other extracurriculars, our time together was greatly shortened. But we always made the time. He did my math homework and I wrote his English papers. I never missed one of his games. He and his jock friends dressed as cheerleaders for my powder puff football game. I clipped every print ad he posed for. I watched every commercial he was cast in and every small appearance on TV. I still have a the scrapbook and VHS recordings. J recently gifted me a notebook filled with every article I ever published, from high school on. 

 

We went to our Junior Prom together and our relationship shifted. After the dance we attended a bonfire with all our friends out in Foster’s field. In the bed of J’s beat up ‘89 Toyota pickup, out of sight of prying eyes, we gave up our virginity. It was quick and slightly awkward, but it was J. So, it was perfect.

 

That summer was the best I will ever know. It was full of Texas sun, teenage fun, and first love. Our days were spent lounging with friends around the Ackle’s pool. Followed by neighborhood BBQs or bonfire keggers at the lake. 

 

Senior year was much the same as the rest of our high school careers with the minor change of starting the year as an established couple. 

 

Cuddled up on a blanket in the back of his truck, we watched our classmates rage around our graduation bonfire. Keg tapped. Country music blaring. J gave me a ring and a renewed promise of always and forever.

 

All of our hard work and late night study sessions paid off in the form of full scholarships to UT Austin. J for football and sports medicine and mine for journalism. 

 

Bags packed, boxes loaded in my car, dorm assignments in hand, J dropped a bomb. He’d gotten his taste of Hollywood and he wanted more. He was determined to see how far he could go with it. As kids we always joked about running away to the circus, I suppose in a way, J did. He broke my heart that day, but I couldn’t have been more damned proud of him. With tears in my eyes and more of his promises, I headed to school and he headed to greatness.

 

We saw each other as much as possible on breaks during the two years that followed. Many nights were spent on the phone encouraging him not to give up on his dream and to just give it time.

 

In November of 1998 I sat beside him at the lavish Soap Opera Digest Awards. He won for best male newcomer, for his recurring role as Eric Brady on Days of Our Lives. He’d done it. He was on his way to stardom.

 

Scheduling conflicts with filming and finals only gave us three days together for Christmas. And then we didn’t see each other again until spring break. J bought me plane tickets to come stay with him. I spent a lovely two weeks touring Hollywood, LA, Santa Monica, and Venice Beach, by myself. Apart from sharing a bed each night, we hardly saw each other. To make up for it, he took me to the set with him on my last day. It was amazing to watch him work. He has always been such a natural in front of the camera. 

 

And once again we parted ways with mixed feelings in my heart. I pushed away my selfish sadness and made room for my immense pride and happiness for him and his success in fulfilling his dream. 

 

I started my internship that summer at Austin American-Statesman, copy editing classifieds. It wasn’t glamorous, and it wasn’t exactly journalism, but it was a foot in the door. 

 

Just before Thanksgiving my mom sold the house and ran off to Bocca with Mitchell. I spent the holiday serving in a local soup kitchen near campus. Jensen was upset that he flew home and I wasn’t there. But when I explained that I needed to do it for me and that I just couldn’t stand to come back without a home, he understood. 

 

We still hadn’t seen each other by the time Christmas rolled around. I made no plans to go anywhere, except for work during those few weeks of break. J showed up at my dorm room, frustrated, disappointed and a little angry Christmas evening. We fought. We made up. Then we spent the next three days in bed eating chinese takeout and watching cheesy movies. 

 

On the fourth day, well, let me just say it took several years to get over the guilt and regret of that conversation. After spending nearly an hour, unsuccessfully searching our busy schedules for a time to see each other again, I suggested maybe it was a sign. That just maybe the universe was trying to tell us to take a break. Because it shouldn’t have been that hard. Spending three forced days together every nine months didn’t feel like a healthy relationship. He said that if we loved each other that we would make it work and get through it. I nearly caved. I loved him more than my own life. But I felt like I was holding him back. My small town life and problems just didn’t fit with the Hollywood life style he was becoming accustomed to. It was time to set him free. 

 

I still blame my parents for my inability to have a functional relationship. 

 

He left angry that night. I feared I had lost him completely. But when I tried to give him back the ring as he headed out the door, he said no. He said we still would have our always and forever as promised. 

 

We didn’t speak again for several weeks. I had thrown myself into my studies, determined to ignore my self induced broken heart. I kept the epic roller coaster that was the relationship between Eric Brady and Nicole Walker on my TV in the background as a reminder of why i did what i did. It gave me comfort. 

 

Eventually my hard work came to fruition. In spring of 2000, shortly after our 22nd birthdays, I finally graduated with my Bachelor of Journalism. And my heart began to mend. The entire Ackles clan was in attendance as I crossed the stage. Jensen was waiting for me with arms open, roses in hand, and a giant smile. It was the first time I had seen him in person since we broke up. He looked so happy.

 

After the customary way too expensive paid for by Jensen celebratory dinner with his family, he and I ended up back at my dorm packing up. He was so excited that I was finally done with school. He spoke nonstop of all the things we were going to do in LA. All the things he wanted for us a couple. He was so happy that we could be us again.

 

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I had already accepted a job at The Seattle Times. My weakness for him was too strong and I had nearly a month until I had to report, so I went with him to LA.

 

I felt horrible for not being upfront about my plans and the guilt ate at me. But as we approached the third week of our honeymoon phase of being back together, his continued absence cemented my plans. It was time to end it for good. When we were together, things were nearly perfect, but that time was few and far between. Just like before. I didn’t want to be just a pretty living room accessory or a bed warmer in his lavish penthouse. It was time to live my dream as he was living his. 

 

The night that I broke the news to him, he had come home late from filming. He instantly knew. I was leaving. I explained about my dreams and that Seattle was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. He wasn’t angry this time. He was sad, but said he was proud of me and to go win him a Pulitzer. The next morning he bought me my first Blackberry and a first class ticket to Seattle.

 

I continued to travel to LA for movie premieres and attended a lot of cast parties as his date. We celebrated all birthdays and holidays together. We never went longer than a day or two without speaking. Every new role he considered, every story I wrote were all discussed at length. When he decided to leave Days, we talked for three hours straight on the pros and cons. 

 

I had feared that our last breakup would have broken us permanently. Instead, I believe it helped us finally settle into what we were always meant to be; best friends.

 

When Jensen landed his role in Dark Angel, he took up temporary residence in my apartment’s spare room. When he became Jason Teague in Smallville, he bought me a car to come up and visit him. After he signed on as Dean Winchester, he co-signed my loan that bought my house. He said he needed a bigger room and a yard to sprawl out in on his off time.

 

My downtown apartment had been a sanctuary for us both with many important memories. It was in my living room, eating cold chinese that he confessed that his current girlfriend, that one model, was just arm candy for a PR scheme. The floor of my bedroom was where he let me bawl my eyes our on his shoulder when yet another loser walked out of my life. My kitchen table was where we drank copious amounts of tequila to celebrate my first front page byline. 

 

But my new house would get its own amazing memories. The first time I met Jared Padalecki was when J brought him home for the weekend after filming the pilot. The backyard held an impromptu BBQ for some of the cast and crew when the pilot was picked up for a full season. 

 

My new living room was where we laughed ourselves sick watching his prescreened unreleased copy of Ten Inch Hero. Followed by J spending a frenzied couple of hours telling me all about his amazing co-star. It was like watching the energizer bunny with hearts in his eyes while on crack. I knew he’d met the one. It was beyond obvious he had it bad, but was too freaked out to do anything about it. It took me a bit of convincing but by the end of the night I had made him call her and ask her out.

 

I couldn’t have been happier that I had when a few weeks later he brought her to Seattle to meet me. He said he needed my approval. After only spending a few hours with her it was obvious that no one would ever love Jensen as much as Daneel. And how could I disapprove of that.

 

My house quickly became the escape/hangout for both Jensen and Jared. Often joined by Daneel or other random friends passing through. Christian Kane, Steve Carlson, Jason Manns, Tom Welling, to name a few. Many an impromptu jam session would break out in my yard when the musicians came around. Overtime to include Genevieve Cortese and eventually the Padalecki and Ackles children. I now have an impressive playground set back there for all those kiddos. 

 

It was one of those early jam sessions that J pulled me aside to show me the stunning diamond he bought for Dee. He again wanted my approval, for the marriage, not the ring. I was happy to give it, for both. No one can deny that they were meant to be. This time when I tried to give him back my ring he was smiling when he told me to keep it. His words still echo in my mind today. He told me there would never be a day in his life that he wouldn’t want to share with me. That soulmates aren’t always romantic ones. He again promised me always and forever. 

 

The following spring I sat in the front row, holding Donna’s hand as we watched half of my soul marry his true love.

 

Every special occasion, holiday, birthday, and birth since that day have been spent as one big happy family; the Ackles, the Padaleckis, and me.

 

I am recording this all now to share my story. Only our closest friends and dearest family know of our bond. Jensen has always said that by keeping us private we have kept us special. J will always be the most important person in this world to me. And someday, if he ever finds this, I hope he will share it with the world. Because as far as friendships go, ours has been epic.

 

But as in all epic stories, there must be an end. And ours is fast approaching. I can feel it coming. I never imagined it would end like this. But I don’t feel that I can hold out much longer.

 

The sun has long ago set and I am so very cold. The doors to my car are all crushed and won’t open. I don’t think I would have survived long out in that blizzard anyway, even if my leg wasn’t broken. When I felt down the side of my leg I felt the bone protruding and a lot of blood. I think i hit my head hard too. There’s too much blood to know for sure. I am pretty sure the car flipped a few times, so I must be down the ravine pretty far. They won’t find me in time. The car’s battery died and it is freezing in here. I lost my phone. My voice recorder landed in the passenger seat, but i am not sure how long this battery will last. 

 

I am so sorry Jensen. I was trying to spend the twins’ first Christmas with y’all. I didn’t anticipate this blizzard. With the airport snowed in, the drive in the rental should have gotten me there in time. You were right, black ice is a bitch.

 

The gifts in the trunk are probably ruined. Sorry. I- I- I’m so c-c-cold.

 

Kiss those babies for me will ya. And tell JJ that Auntie loves her. Jared’s boys too. I am so sorry I won’t get to meet their baby girl. I am trying to hold on but-

 

Tell Deedee thank you. For always understanding. For- everything. Tell her I love her. Jared and Gen too.

 

Your mom and dad will be so mad. Tell them I’m sorry and I love them. Josh and Mackie too. And all those babies.

 

I can’t feel my legs anymore. At least they’ve stopped hurting. J, I’m not in any pain. Please know that. Reliving these memories tonight have made my heart happy.

 

It’s been a great life. I am very tired. I’m just going to rest my eyes a minute. Maybe someone will come soon.

 

I love you J. Always and forever.


End file.
